"Then the Lord said to Joshua, “Today I have rolled away the shame of your slavery in Egypt.” So that place has been called Gilgal to this day." Joshua 5:9 I've had a chance to reflect on this verse this past week; with that, I've been filled with absolute hope. It's not exactly a "bible-study" material verse but it's refreshing to know that my history is not tied to my future and decisions made before me don't reflect the decisions I'll make in future. My family has a history of mental health issues which has lead to major consequences in family relationships. I'm not quick to share that with a lot of people, obviously. Personally, I'm grateful to say I've not struggled with these illnesses. But the fear of this becoming a part of my life is very real to me. So tonight, I'm praying that you too may recognize that although biology determines somethings, God has the ultimate authority. You were born unique, you are given purpose, and when we approach God with a humble heart He is eager to hear all of our requests. Even the one's we're ashamed to express. I'm trusting that God will protect my mental health so I may live my days perceiving life in the lens of my Creator. And that's as vulnerable as it gets. "Once I get a pet, I'm going to name it peeve. That way when I introduce it I will say, 'This is my Pet Peeve!'" - My favorite joke from grade 10. It landed about 50% of the time and was definitely not an original. But to this day, one of my favourite icebreakers is "What's your biggest pet peeve?"
I like to imagine people that say "chewing with your mouth open" are very observant people who are aware about even the tiniest of details and are quite probably the Sherlocks of our generation! Maybe people that say "micro-managers" are focused on goals and visions with strong possibilities of being future CEOs. Or even people that say "when people talk to me during lunch break" are the type of character to go through a very drawn out lesson that obviously leads to the moral challenge of how valuable community really is! Basically, I spend most of my time brainstorming. Personally, I don't have many things that bother me, but I'm easily shook up by the possibility of people being bothered by the things I do. Unfortunately, my perspective is so introspective that I have a very difficult and stubborn attitude when it comes to dealing with constructive criticism. So here's the verse that has challenged me to view my world in light of the humility of the Gospel. "If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise." Proverbs 15:31 Before I started post secondary, I thought it was a good time to reinvent myself. So instead of introducing myself as Amanda, I gave myself a nickname, AJ. It's actually one of the least cool things about me.
Anyways, it didn't stick. As soon as people found out my name was Amanda, the illusion was revealed and the girl that enjoyed classic rock and hanging with the boys was quickly fading from the vision of who I could be. So in summary, nicknames are lame and that's the lesson. No you guys, just kidding! And jealous, but mostly kidding! My name, Amanda, means "Worthy of Love" which is actually one of the greatest reminders for me that lives have value. That value means more than the amount of attention I receive, the resources I have, or even my wealth of knowledge. The value comes from Christ's love for me. And you. He loves us so much more than we could ever love ourselves. I'm humbled to know I can't change anyone's value and they can't change mine. We've been purchased for something so much greater. The freedom of not being identified by our interests or hobbies rather the sacrifice of laying one's life down for a friend - that means everything. In summary, I actually wanted a chance to explain that this blog comes from a place of selfishness. I hope by keeping an active record, I'll get to know my Creator better. If you're enjoying reading these posts, than that's awesome! Just know that there's nothing extraordinary about my life, I'm just choosing to focus on thoughts, trails of thoughts, or thoughtful times that make life special. |
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